Erring Out

Well once again I feel a need to put some more private thoughts out there, not necessarily for any one else to read but hopefully as a means for self improvement/healing. It was conveyed to me some time ago that in conversation between two of my relatives that I became the topic of conversation. During this conversation one person said to the other you know I love him but he is lazy. When this was relayed to me my first reaction was how dare they I have always held a good job never been fired from a job, etc. etc. All of that indignant self defense crap. The typical I am better than though B.S. After settling down and giving it some long hard thought I came to the realization that the person speaking knew me better than I knew myself. My life has been me giving up when the going got tough. If it was not easy for me, or not on my terms, I quit. I could go on and on about this but it started when I was very young and continues even today. The things I claim that are or were important to me if I had to actually work for them I quit. I realize now that what I thought was hard work was no such thing because I was doing what I enjoyed, and when doing what you enjoy the most strenuous physical work is as they say a labor of love. I can't change the past even if I wanted to, I do however have it in my capacity to alter the future. I intend to do just that, perfection, probably not, my best effort, with God's help and a better focus, I hope so. I have in the past found my self feeling sorry for myself because of what I have accomplished so far in life. I may not have accomplished what I had envisioned for myself, I may not have the education I had envisioned, but I can do what I wanted to do when I was younger. What I envisioned when I was younger was to help people, to assist them in feeling better. I can still do just that, not necessarily with the same capacity as my younger vision, but in some capacity. I am not sure how, as I sit here I am going to accomplish that goal, but with some thought on the subject I am sure I will figure it out. Enough for now, as always I will report back when I feel a need, or actually have something to say or report. Bye for now!